Monday, February 17, 2014

Imperfection is Beautiful

Bon soir mes amis!

Life here is just rolling on as usual and nothing really special happens. As usual. Last weekend we went to another hockey game, we won, jeee, and then we went out on Saturday. Before going out though me and Damir took a nice walk to a local grocery store 20 mins away. Never knew that one was there, but it felt like a normal store, compared to giants like Walmart or Target. Defo the highlight of the weekend.

In other news… I have to admit something. I'm an emotional mess right now. Don't really know why or what I can do about it. Any small thing can apparently trigger a mental breakdown, while I'm totally fine otherwise. I hate not having control. So I'm trying to take control, firstly by admitting there's something going on with me. Maybe I just haven't fully "recovered" from last years sadness. Maybe I'm just pushing it away and maybe I'm not really dealing with whatever is going on. Or whatever was going on then. I do know I'm an expert at ignoring and storing emotions and thoughts, just for them to surface later on. Just admitting it in such a public manner feels good. That's why I got a blog in the first place. To write it off.

I just think it was time I wrote about this. Get the blog back to its personal roots. Because you know what? You can't be f*cking happy all the effin time. You can stay positive, love life, smile and have fun without always being happy. It does not mean you hate your life or you always have to be miserable, it just means you're a real person with real feelings. And honestly, who feels on top of their game every second of every day anyway? I mean, sometimes it actually is healthy to just stop and think and admit something is wrong, instead of always being only "good". There's no shame in admitting you're not always fine.

Today I wrote a very personal column for the college news paper about body image and confidence. I don't know if I actually want it to be published for everyone to read. I wrote it in a whim, didn't take much time at all. After all, the subject is something I'm thinking about almost daily. Sometimes I feel it takes over me and I can't control all the thoughts. I guess what I wanted to accomplish with it, is that I want people (myself included) to understand that you have to be beautiful on the inside in order to be beautiful on the outside, no matter what size or body type you are. I feel it's a bit hard to actually believe that though, since I feel so many people are only interested in outer looks and could care less about what's underneath.

Everyone's is in such a hurry here, always busy, always something better to do. Sometimes it just feels nice to sit down and talk. Just talk about anything. Get to know a person, really get to know them, more than the occasional "Hi! How are you?" which really means "Hi, don't care, gotta go!".

Well, this blog post really reflects what's going through my head. A mess of thoughts, written down for everyone to read, but who will actually read to the end and reflect? Yeah, that's right. You're too busy. I get it.

Pics from weheartit


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